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Let me begin by saying, that I never meant to offend anyone by these posts.  They are mainly satirical in nature, but nonetheless my own personal take on our modern day funeral.

My Mom’s dad passes away the day they bury my biological father. I don’t know him much either.  You see he left my poor Grandmother with three small children to raise back in the late 50’s to early 60’s when divorce was unheard of and she didn’t know how to drive.  How do you memorialize that?

My Mom is quiet a pistol, and you would just have to know her.  You see I always try to look at the bright side of things and make light of most situations.  I am not sure everyone appreciates my take on things but that is the whole point of it.

My Mom is getting a little hard of hearing these days.  We went to my father’s visitation.  Everyone is discussing the details and wishes of the deceased.  She either did not hear them say he did not want to be cremated or she wasn’t paying attention.  Who knows?!  All she does hear is that all he had was $500 worth of burial insurance.  She proceeds to proclaim very loudly, “Well I would have just had him cremated and that would  have saved you guys some money.”  If she had just said it once it might have been ok but she doesn’t stop proclaiming it until I whisper very loudly,” MOM he didn’t want to be cremated!”  Oh she says but doesn’t apologize because she still probably thinks he should have been cremated!  That’s my mom and I love her….more tomorrow.  Well we decide to take my 2 year old granddaughter, Lexie to my grandfather’s visitation…..  Probably not the best idea we have had but my  22 yr old son, the father of Lexie comes too.  My granddaughter is one of the most charismatic and beautiful 2 year olds you have ever had the pleasure to meet.  My son TJ is very nervous about how this beautiful 2 yr old is gonna behave.  She didn’t freak out about the dead man laying in a box at the front.  She did however want a piece of gum.  Well she starts to venture out and try to keep up  with Gran-Gran(my mom), and I notice her starting to take her gum out and play with it.  Well she knows when her granny is in charge there are only two places gum can be—in the mouth or in the trash.  I remind her of this, well we start to see the little wheels in her head start to turn as she looks around for a trash can.  Me and my son look at each other at the same time, oh no not in the casket!  Before my little angel could commit such a faux pax I picked her up and we went to find a trash can!

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  1. I love following this post. You’re a good writer.

  2. Actually, cremation can be almost as expensive as burial. I was shocked to learn that, and they still try to talk you into putting the body in a viewing room first. They get you any old way they can. Morticians have to make a living, too, I guess. I am enjoying this series. What I wrote in response wasn’t meant to be critical of what you’ve written. It’s just that you planted the seed of an idea for my next topic with your Funeral Week.

  3. I am enjoying your funeral stories. My sister and I have a book-in-progress about funeral traditions. In fact, we clip and save the most interesting and yes, sometimes funny, obits.
    All families have their own funeral traditions, churches have certain traditions, and even communities have traditions.
    When you life settles down a bit, you simply must read Being Dead is No Excuse! It’s a cookbook for southern funerals and it is hilarious! and true!

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Meet The Author

Alice Martin

I am sort of an outdoor person and I love animals of all kinds, especially, dogs. I am a Vet Tech at a busy small town vet clinic. I really love what I do, because it is something different every day. I have two sons, TJ is 22 yrs old and Ty is 16 yrs old. TJ gave me a beautiful granddaughter named Lexie, and she is 2. I am outspoken when I need to be and if you are my friend--I will stand up for you.

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