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Win Win Negotiation Skills

Win Win Negotiation Skills – And Get What You Want More Often

Negotiation skills have never been more important.

There are fewer good jobs available and conflict around the world is commonplace.

You negotiate daily even if you don’t realize it. Whether it’s asking for a raise, choosing a restaurant to meet for lunch, or bargaining with your teenager, you’re a negotiator.

But, while negotiations are common, bargaining effectively doesn’t come easily to most people. Good negotiating skills must be both learned and developed. Experience is necessary.

Most negotiations are ineffective, take far too long, and result in at least one of the parties feeling bitter about the process.

Relationships of all types can be permanently harmed by common negotiating practices.

Negotiations can be judged on 3 criteria:

• How well does the agreement meet the needs of both parties? It’s not all about you. If you put your customer out of business due to your high prices, you lose a customer. Or they might choose to go somewhere else next time.

• Is the agreement efficient? Not only should an agreement be reached in a reasonable amount of time, it should also be practical and workable. Too many unnecessary details create an agreement that’s difficult to comply with or to enforce.

• The relationship between the parties should be improved, or at least maintained. If the relationship is harmed in any way, it is not an ideal agreement. If you get what you want, but lose your best long-term client, or infuriate your significant other, the negotiation wasn’t successful.

Many negotiations fail if measured by this set of criteria.

You might not be negotiating multi-million dollars deals every week, but you do negotiate each day with those around you.

The same concepts still apply. Learn to negotiate effectively, and you’ll get more of what you want and strengthen your relationships at the same time!

“Many believe effective networking is done face-to-face, building a rapport with someone by looking at them in the eye, leading to a solid connection and foundational trust.” – Raymond Arroyo

Establishing Rapport

Without rapport, communication isn’t happening at the highest level.

Those people that everyone seems to like, the people with great charisma, are masters at establishing and maintaining rapport.

You don’t have to be born with the gift of gab.

The techniques of creating rapport are well-established.

With the proper information and some practice, you can become an expert communicator.

Establish rapport and strengthen your negotiating position:

1. Speak more slowly.

When you speak too quickly, you sound like a used car salesman. Those that speak rapidly are often viewed as less trustworthy.

Slower speech puts people at ease.

However, you don’t want to speak too slowly.

If the other person is thinking, “I wish this person would pick up the pace,” you’re not building rapport effectively.

2. Evoke sympathy or assistance.

We feel closer to someone when we feel sorry for them or provide assistance to them. We enjoy being sensitive and altruistic. It’s good for the ego. Be open with the other person and allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Ask for a favor, even if it’s just a glass of water.

Once someone does something nice for you, they’ll be more likely to be accommodating in the future. We all like to be consistent.

3. Deep trust and rapport require one of three things.

Consider the people you’re closest to. There’s a good chance they do at least one of these three things:

• They justify your failures for you. “It’s not your fault that it didn’t work out. The banks aren’t loaning money to anyone.”

• They throw stones at your enemies. “Matt is the worst boss ever. I heard he’s been fired from his last three jobs.”

• They help you to feel more positive about the future. “Things are going to get better. You’ve got so much going for you. You’re the smartest person I know.”

4. Listen.

Whether you want to be a great salesperson or become the most popular person you know, listening is the key. Hardly anyone listens intently anymore.

• The average person is too busy scrambling for the next thing to say. It’s not possible to listen at the same time. Or, they already know what they’re going to say and they’re impatiently waiting for their turn.

• No matter how suave you think yourself to be, others can easily notice when you’re not listening.

• Give the other person your full and undivided attention.

5. Validate the other person’s opinions.

After listening intently, validate the other person’s opinions and thoughts. It’s not necessary to agree with them, but acknowledge that you understand their point of view.

6. Ask questions that show you’re interested and want to understand better. How, why, when, and where can lead to a high level of rapport.

Take the time to find out more about what was just said. You’ll be amazed by the response you receive.

You may be the first person that has shown an interest.

7. Smile.

It may sound simple and trite, but we naturally respond positively to someone that looks us in the eye and shows a genuine smile.

8. Mirror the other person.

Adopt the other person’s body language as your own. Be careful! You don’t want to be viewed as mimicking or mocking.

Sit or stand in a similar fashion. Have similar gestures and mannerisms. Use similar vocabulary.

You can test how well you’re mirroring by attempting to lead the other person. Scratch your nose or sit back and see if they do the same.

When you have a high degree of rapport, they’ll mirror you!

These simple techniques can be done by anyone. Smile, be pleasant, and give your full attention. There’s little else required.

Imagine dealing someone that displayed those three simple traits. You’d be thrilled to spend time talking with them.

Give rapport the attention it deserves. Your negotiations will be much more successful.

“A fundamentalist can’t bring himself or herself to negotiate with people who disagree with them because the negotiating process itself is an indication of implied equality.” – Jimmy Carter

Positional Bargaining

This is the type of bargaining most familiar to the average person.

It can occur when haggling over the price of an item at a yard sale or creating a peace treaty between two nations.

Each side adopts a position, fights for it, and ultimately makes concessions until an agreement is reached.

Imagine a conversation between a consumer and the owner of a used furniture store:

Customer: This lamp is interesting. How much are you asking for it.

Owner: It’s pretty amazing, isn’t it? I’d be willing to sell it for $100.

Customer: Are you serious? There’s a big scratch on it. I’d pay $25.

Owner: I’ll entertain serious offers, but that’s not serious.

Customer: I guess I could pay $30.

Owner: I could accept $80.

Customer: $35.

Owner: I paid more than $35 for it.

And so on.

In positional bargaining, each party defends a serious of positions as concessions are made.

There are disadvantages to utilizing positional bargaining:

1. You can become locked into your positions.

By taking a position, you’re forced to defend it. By defending it, you become committed to it. The more you claim that you can’t change your position, the less ability you have to do so.

2. Your ego becomes involved.

If you say you can’t go lower than $80, you’re forced to admit that you’re a liar if you do. Positional bargaining is adversarial by nature. We naturally want to win.

3. Future negotiations can be negatively affected by the outcome of the current negotiation.

If you feel you lost this round, you’ll be more determined to win the next interaction. Positional bargaining often leaves one party feeling negatively about the interaction.

Continue reading the rest of this free online self help guide here: Win-Win Negotiation Skills

More Resources:

Some of us can overcome issues of how to build self-confidence easier than others, but we can all become more confident by following a plan and focusing on the task at hand.

Online help is available. Start now to find a method to boost your self-confidence that’s right for you.

I have written and published the books below, created specifically to help you develop self confidence and hone your self assertiveness skills and communication.

You can get this book or the whole series, in Kindle digital version or as a paperback posted to you from Amazon.

Just click the links below to learn more about how incredibly helpful these books can be for your self assertiveness and increased self confidence!

>> Workplace Solutions: Motivating Your Workforce and Negotiating for Results

>> Workplace Solutions: Exploring Conflict Resolution and Dealing with Difficult People

>> Workplace Solutions: Unlocking Your Potential with Self-Esteem and Positive Communication

>> Workplace Solutions: Win-Win Negotiation for Women – Strategies for Getting What You Want in the Workplace

Have you ever had problems in your workplace, where you wished you were better able to negotiate winning results?

I know that I often did when I was young and still learning these kinds of life skills, especially when dealing with difficult people in the office.

These are not skills that you are born with, you can only learn from the experiences of others and from self help books that can train you the fundamentals in professional development.

I hope that you will check out some of the books that I have written for you to learn from.

– Helene Malmsio

Leave a Comment


  1. It is not just the workplace that needs negotiation – it is the whole world. When we are torn apart into yes and no – we are right and you are wrong positions – where Congress rarely works across the aisle – we are just bound for war.

    I am going to study these. It is funny – I woke up today thinking about a friend of mine who is very articulate and is brilliant when it comes to negotiating in our Union – even if she is very mad.

    • Yes, you are spot on … I’ve never in my long life experienced such black and white thinking where some people have their minds set in concrete and would rather die than admit their views might be faulty, no matter what the evidence.

      Its so very sad, and frustrating. Negotiation skills are an essential ‘life skill’ not just for the workplace, as you say.

      I think it helps you to develop great tolerance and patience when dealing with difficult people especially, as you need to step out of your own ego and study the situation impartially and calmly, if you expect to achieve any improvement in the current situation.

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Meet The Author

Helene Malmsio

Australian retired Businesswoman, Marketer and Trainer. Now a webmaster, author/ publisher of self help and health books and a Webnuggetz contributor - I guess I like to 'communicate' a lot - lol!

Be sure to visit me at https://www.discoveryhub.net

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